She's 2!

I wasn't going to have a birthday party for Breanna for a few reasons but on Sunday night I woke up in a panic and realized I have to have a party for my girl! So we invited some cousins and one friend from church and the kids had a blast, which is all I really cared about. Actually, for the first bit I tried playing games and that was a disaster! But as soon as we had them dance to make the balloons drop, they were in heaven.  I incorporated all of Breanna's favorites: coloring, princesses, junk food and Strawberry Shortcake. My sister Candace is the best and made the cake. Isn't it the cutest? She also did the face painting. I'm glad Breanna got to be a princess for a day.

See this Cute Face?

We went to the wave pool for Family Home Evening tonight and before we finally got in Breanna pooped twice. We aren't even close to potty training Breanna but we were out of diapers so we sat her on the toilet hoping she would pee before we drove home. She grunted and pushed and tried really hard. No pee, but out came a loud toot, and Breanna exclaimed "Hey! I pooped a bubble!" in her sweet, high-pitched voice. I'm still laughing.

Time to Let Go

I just couldn't believe that I wasn't pregnant, especially after losing it on Brad yesterday, so I took another pregnancy test.

It was negative.

Huh?!

I just couldn't believe it. And I was disappointed. Brad said, well, you need to go to the doctor to find out what is wrong with you. So I had a shower. When I got out I wandered around aimlessly for a while. This news does not fit into my plans at all, I thought. So I went back to the bathroom and checked one more time. Still just one line. So naturally I picked it up and looked closer. And there it was!

If I held the test up to the light, and looked really, really close, there was another line there! So faint you could barely see it, but it was there! My heart just leapt and I was so happy and grateful and relieved. I ran to tell Brad. I'm not sure he believes me yet, because it really was barely visible. But I believe it, more because of what my body is telling me than what the test says. I carried it around with me all night, checking periodically just to make sure.

So what now?

Let go.

This is my fifth pregnancy and both of my miscarriages happened late in the first trimester, so I feel like I've done it enough to know what I'm in for. Some women get postpartum depression, but I've never experienced that. I get it during the first bit of pregnancy. It's less well known, but it's just as bad. And that combined with 24 hour morning sickness, well, it's quite literally hell. I know, however, what I get out of it is more than worth it and although I have hesitated to go through it again, I can't imagine that this sacrifice will mean anything in the end. I just need to remember to let go.

If I gain 5 pounds in the first 2 weeks because I'm too tired to exercise, if I'm tempted to compare myself to all the cute pregnant women who have this little belly sticking out of their otherwise thin bodies, let go.


If I let my kids watch 2 (or 3, no more than 3 I promise) hours of TV some days, let go.

If my house becomes such a disaster I can't make dinner because the dishes are dirty, if I have to do the absolute bare minimum to keep my family alive for the next 2 1/2 months, let go.

If I need help from other people and I start to feel guilty about it, and have to have my sisters watch my kids sometimes, let go.


If I say really weird and embarrassing things in the next 3 months, let go.

I can't allow myself to feel guilty for anything, except my temper tantrums, which I will continue to work on. Otherwise, right now my only job is to love myself, to kiss and cuddle my kids, to sleep and eat and do the BEST I can. Right now I am in the process of creating a life, and that just might take all of the emotional, physical and mental effort I have. Right now I am beautiful no matter what I look like, disheveled hair and yesterday's makeup included. Right now I can ask my Father in Heaven for all the help I need, and although I might not be able to feel it sometimes, He will help me. I know He is there and I am so very grateful He is giving me the opportunity to bring another of His precious spirits into the world.

So fun!

In Calgary, when the sun shines and it's 5 degrees or higher outside in the winter, there's nothing else to do but be outside as much as possible!

Pretty Personal!

Lately I've been bumping into things. I can't remember what I'm doing from one minute to the next. The other day I put a load of laundry in the washing machine and forgot to turn it on-three, count 'em, THREE times! I cried all day at church last week, and I've been so grouchy, I actually feel (a little bit) sorry for Brad. I really feel sorry for my kids! I have mild cramping and am tired all the time, so...

I took a pregnancy test this morning.

It came back negative.

Huh?!?

I just can't believe it. I feel pregnant, and I like to think I'm pretty in tune with my body. Brad and I just started trying again recently, knowing that we want more kids. (Ask me a week after morning sickness starts and you will not be able to convince me I was thinking clearly when I made that decision!) The only other explanation, I can think, is that I've been getting a lot less sleep lately and that I have the worst, mega-super-over-the-top bad PMS of my life.

As you can tell, I've decided to be honest about my pregnancy joys and struggles on this blog (mostly the struggles!) I'm hoping it will help me cope, and I'm sure my Mom is hoping I will call her less in the depths of despair. This is the first in a series of entries about those experiences.

Imagination

Meet Jesse the Ninja Turtle.

These are his swords.

Meet Optimus Prime and Bumble Bee:

                              

Here they are in a "rocketship". Sometimes they get along...

                            

Sometimes they don't.

But inevitably, it ends in this.

Brad will now model Jesse's Superman cape:

It's a

dishtowel.

A Chinook Day

It was too windy to go to the park...

So we went to the bookstore instead....

Jesse was very concerned about all the newspapers flying away, so like any responsible boy would do, he gathered them up...

The bookstore only made them more restless, so we went to the grocery store to push around carts and look at all the food...

                                   

At least it was free.

The End.

A 'Sometimes' Day

Well I realized as I went along in my day that this was a pretty typical Monday. I guess yesterday things seemed a little overwhelming. But then I thought, well, you know, this is a pretty typical day in the life of many moms with young kids, and even if it is a regular day perhaps it's still a lot!! So, here it is.

Read scriptures and pray
Eat breakfast
Play hide and go seek and pretend to be April O'Neil helping Rafael get Shredder
Work out (pushups, pullups, and Ab Ripper X!)
Shower and do my hair and makeup (that's the looking good part)
Get the kids ready for the day
Get frozen berries and almonds for a snack
Clean off the kids' faces from all the berry juice
Go to Costco
Get the kids out of the van, in the cart, and to the door, only to realize I left my wallet at home
Drive home
Get my wallet
Drive back
Grocery shopping (and lots of yummy samples!)
Drive home again
Smoothies, homemade bread and cheese for lunch
Clean off the kids' faces from all the berry juice-again

This is the part where I was supposed to put Breanna down for a nap and do all my housework; however, Breanna wasn't tired because she had closed her eyes for 30 seconds on the way to the grocery store. So instead I got her up and she "helped" me with the dishes, meaning she's on a chair by the sink playing with the water, which I now have to fight for...

Clean kitchen (sort of)
Gather up all my clean laundry, go downstairs and turn on OPRAH! (I haven't watched it in years.)
Watch Sarah (one of my heroes) defend her qualifications for leadership (again) in between folding laundry, shushing the kids and making Jesse a ninja-turtle belt for his swords out of yarn
Make supper
Read kids books while supper is cooking
Eat Taco soup for supper-the kids love it

Here's where I combined 2 things into one. I had to canvass for the Canadian Diabetes Association and I also had to have Family Home Evening. So Brad talked to the kids about service, we put them in the running stroller, and off we went.

Collect $71 for the Canadian Diabetes Association (last year I got zilch, it's all uphill from there!)
Brad puts the kids to bed while I put away the laundry

And that brings us to now! All I have left now is to do some planning for my Young Women's girls and then I will probably watch House read my book in bed. My friends Kellee and Sheila have older kids and for them their evening doesn't begin until 10:00 when their older kids are finally asleep. I don't know what I will do then!

But here's the question we've all be waiting for...

Did I look good doing it??

I guess it depends on what time of the day we're talking about!! :)