I already feel bad enough about myself these days, but add to the mix a couple of beautiful, smart, sweet kids and it's amazing just how bad you can feel.

Let's be honest, I expect Jesse to be perfect and I am really hard on him. He's such a good, nice boy which makes it that much worse, because I hate punishing a boy who is so good and nice when Brad and I make so many mistakes and let me tell you it is not beyond this kid to notice. I wouldn't get it, either, if I were him.

Just one of many examples: Today Brad and I tried teaching him to ride a bike and Jesse was hesitant right from the start. I said, "Jesse, we won't get upset with you if you can't do it." I thought maybe that was what he was afraid of. He looked at us and said "But will you get mad at each other?" We had been arguing about how to teach him. Then he walked away.

And what am I supposed to do with this? Today I was talking to my Mom on the phone when suddenly I hear a little sob from the bathroom and these heartbroken little words: "Oh no! Now what am I going to do?"I go into the bathroom and there on the floor is a big poop. This ongoing problem really gets me and Breanna knows it. But what am I supposed to do when she looks at me crying, "sorry, Mommy, sorry. Are you mad at me?"

I just feel sometimes like Heavenly Father sent these perfect little angels to the wrong parents and that we are going to ruin them. I really am trying, but on days like this I think...not hard enough.