My blog has evolved into a bit of a family photo album. Someday I will print it out for my wonderful kids to look at and feel good about. It no longer feels like a creative outlet, though. I think that's why it's become hard for me to keep my blog up. It feels a bit chore-ish. I think if I wrote more often I could write about the details and get a bit more satisfaction from it. That's okay, this blog has evolved, my life has evolved.
Gone are long days when going for walks, going to the park or going to the library were the main-or the only- events of the day. I would clean and clean and clean to pass time. It was hard figuring out how on earth to entertain these kids for the next 10 hours! Outings were meant to take up time. Time, please move along! From the moment lunch was over I would count down the hours, minutes, seconds until Brad walked in the door. It was so, so hard, but so peaceful and intimate.
I still count down the minutes until Brad gets home, but not until about 4:30. And if he's late, no biggie. Oh man I used to think I would die if he said he'd be even half an hour late. I don't try to pass the time anymore. I'm trying to figure out how to make more time. More time to clean and go for walks and go to the park and go to the library. More time to enjoy the fleeting moments of my children's lives. More time to develop my own talents. I feel like we are constantly doing things. I'm a drill sergeant. Church, sports, doctor, ballet, piano, homework, shopping, playdates, parties-(so many parties!) I can't keep up with the housework anymore. I'm always scheduling and re-scheduling. I'm constantly rushing kids out the door.
I'm in the in-between phase where I wonder: have I done anything with my life? Or do I just exist to make other people's lives possible?
Time just moves along.
Lunches. Daily.
However your blog evolves I really hope you just keep writing it! I liked this one about time. It's hard for me to imagine that someone could be so busy with kids in school...I can imagine all the things I'd get in done in a day without little ones at my feet. But I'm sure my to-do list will evolve along with life, too, and there will always be more, more, more! :) I'm so happy you posted again!
ReplyDeleteThe pictures tell the story, Sarah. You work so hard to give them rich experiences, an orderly, stable, healthy home life, and shining moments between. You will find yourself by losing yourself. So admire you as a mom.
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