Busy

I have a vision of myself walking leisurely out of my clean, comfortable home into the warmth of my yard, the birds singing and my children playing with friends who come and go, a smile on my face and a book in my hand. Then I relax in the sunshine and read for a while, play with my kids and enjoy them and eat a delicious picnic, go for a late afternoon walk or bike ride, then come home and read books to my kids before tucking them to bed.

It's all a blur!

Every day I wake up and run run run to try and accomplish the basics of keeping a family of 5 alive, successful and happy. I feel a constant rush of adrenaline knowing everything I do needs to be done for the sake of my family. A lot of the time all I want to do is lay down and have a nap.

I love being a Mom. And I love what I do. But I do not like the constant rush.

In reality if my kids want someone to play with I have to set up a "play date". When they play at someone else's house I have to drive them there and then pick them up a couple of hours later. In reality, my home is never as clean as I would like and it is a constant battle to keep it organized and liveable. In reality if my family wants to eat I grocery shop which involves parking and sloshing through muddy snow with my shopping cart and meal plans and lists and good timing so I'm not stuck in line for an hour. In reality there's not breakfast, lunch and supper, there's breakfast (snack) lunch (snack) dinner (snack) and each of the six meals requires cleanup.

In reality I read the same book for months and years because for me to grab a stretch of time for reading involves a lot of TV for the kids, manoeuvring, husband-power and guilt, and definitely some catch-up time.

In reality if my kids want exercise I have to take them somewhere- the park, sledding, on a walk, to basketball or ballet. And school is not just a place to send them for 6 hours- they come home with homework, which is basically my homework as I have to sit with them and help them, and then there's things to sign and read and they need to wear a traditional costume for Chinese New Year and they need a shoebox for a social studies project and they need to learn this song and pay this much for fun lunch and wear this color on this day.

So anyways, it's very busy and it gets to be too much sometimes. And I don't think I need to go back and live the life of a pioneer so I can stop complaining. I just think it's overwhelming, maybe not for everyone but for someone like me, who just wants to walk outside into the sunshine and play with my kids and read a book, it is :)

(Secret Garden-The book we just finished)