Dwelling in the Light

Yes I know it's been a while, but I've seen people abandon their blogs over less  :)

It's that time of year, when I can't help but feel happy and blessed. Happy about new beginnings, about the familiar cozy weather ahead, about the vibrant colors of fall, about schedules, the smell of my childrens' hair when they come inside and upcoming family traditions!

I've been trying to replace the word "busy" with "full". Sometimes I ask myself, did I choose this? How do I always have something to do? What happened to sitting for hours reading a book, going for long walks, spending hours playing with my kids and lazily paddling a canoe down the river in the sunshine with fairies flying by and Unicorns grazing on the shoreline.... but yes, I choose to look at my life as "full" because it's full of things I have chosen. I am blessed with a wonderful family, many lovely friends, means to put my kids in activities (and drive them), a love for exercise, a home to live in (and clean), food to eat (and prepare), a church that uplifts and blesses my life but also asks me to serve. I'm blessed with so many, many good things and those are what my life is full of.

My new favorite mantra in life comes from our most recent General Conference when President Uchdorf gave a talk called The Hope of God's Light. In it he used the phrase "dwell in the light", the light being hope, I think, in the Savior. This phrase repeats itself in my mind. I hope it becomes something I naturally do in my life.

(Aaaand a photo update on life in general)

Speaking of fairies and unicorns I think this is about as close as it gets in reality. Brad and I spent our 10th anniversary in Waterton. We biked up to a  back country trail and hiked up to Twin Lakes. I always like to imagine the Indians (sorry for the non pc term) on a hunt for bears and where they would stop to rest and take a drink and the landmarks they would use as navigation. We were alone up there, making it quite romantic and the bike ride down was one of the funnest things I've ever done!

Did I mention I got to go on a little holiday? It was really nice, but to be totally honest my favorite part was flying on the plane and being in the airport...reading a lovely book...by myself. I'm a true introvert I guess. I also loved sitting by the pool talking and getting really hot, then jumping in to cool off. I was always the first one awake and always took a nap in the afternoon in true Sarah style. Yes those are palm trees reflected in my glasses! I got to come home to colorful leaves sprinkling the ground and love notes all over the house. I was happy walking home and that happiness pretty much overflowed when I saw the notes.

We said goodbye to summer with bike rides and the best summer send-off of all: Cornfest!

                                       

Now we're back at everything, after a lazy but wonderful summer: piano for both kids, ballet for Breanna, sports for Jesse, Mandarin homework every night and school lunches every morning. I also go to the gym every morning now, which I love. Life is very full, and very good.

The Truth about Afton

Afton hugs me by wrapping her arms around my neck and squeezing tight. Then she will give me the most delicious kiss,  with all kinds of puckering power and a big "mmmwah!". When I say "I love you Afton" she says, quietly and so sincerely, "I love you Mama" "I just love you Mama". When I help her on the monkey bars and catch her on the slide (even though she doesn't need it) she smiles so big and laughs so heartily it makes my heart ache a little that I don't do that with her all the time. When she runs she kicks her bum and takes big strides. she moves so fluidly I love watching her do anything: walk, run, jump, dance, it's all a pleasure. Sometimes she'll do them in slow motion. It's funny. I love watching her fumble with her eyes closed during prayer at dinner time, with one arm folded, to find food and eat. She can be so silly but it all becomes serious when she sings 'I am a Child of God'. I show her a picture of Jesus and she says "that's my Jesus!" I love her lisp. I love how when I hold her while I'm walking she clings to me and it feels like I'm hardly carrying anything.  I love that when the closing prayer is finished in sacrament meeting she gets up and takes herself through the crowd to nursery and makes it there every time. By herself. She can play at a park for hours, by herself. She calls Jesse and Breanna her "friends". I really connect with her. And that's the truth about Afton!

The Start of our Summer.

The day the flood began Jesse came home from school and said "Mom, our house looks different." I asked how and he said "It looks like a palace." At the time I had no idea what he meant but a couple of days later I had my Mom and Greg living with us and every once in a while I would look around and think, my house seems bigger than usual. I think Heavenly Father in some way made our house seem larger to accommodate my family.

It's been so nice having my Mom and Greg stay here. Dallas is Jesse's favorite person and Jesse gets to play with him for a bit every day. My Mom is such a helpful person who is always looking for ways to serve. I think those are the best kinds of people in the world. Here are my kids in High River only a week before the flood when Brad was finishing off my Mom's deck. Let's hope it's still there, they get to go back tomorrow!!

More High River pre-flood. Oh how I miss riding my bike and walking down the middle of the road. The freedom!

We will be spending a lot of time there this summer helping with cleanup.

One night after the kids were in bed Brad and I went for a bike ride. It was so fun, even despite all of the mosquitos and the fact that we had to keep turning around when we ran into a large and unexpected puddle of mud/water.

Jesse started reading chapter books and now he's hooked. I didn't realize what a good reader he was so I got him some beginner books but he would finish them in an hour and ask for another one. I'm so excited to find more books for him.

And even though there is a water ban I filled up the pool a little and let the kids splash around. It's been SO hot and it's going to get hotter this week. We are camping in Radium this week and I plan on being by water the entire time. 35 degrees, yikes!

It was strange having the last week of school cancelled for the kids. I can't tell you how much I've looked forward to school ending but it happened so abruptly that I didn't have time to get used to the idea. Either way, I plan on enjoying EVERY SINGLE MOMENT of summer.

Lazy summer, here we come!!!

One for the record books

"Honeybees are driven to pollinate, gather nectar, and condense the nectar into honey. It is their magnificent obsession imprinted into their genetic makeup by our Creator. It is estimated that to produce just one pound of honey, the average hive of 20,000 to 60,000 bees must collectively visit millions of flowers and travel the equivalent of two times around the world. Over its short lifetime of just a few weeks to four months, a single honeybee’s contribution of honey to its hive is a mere one-twelfth of one teaspoon.

Though seemingly insignificant when compared to the total, each bee’s one-twelfth of a teaspoon of honey is vital to the life of the hive. The bees depend on each other. Work that would be overwhelming for a few bees to do becomes lighter because all of the bees faithfully do their part."

-Russell M. Ballard

Thoughts on housework

Before I was a Mom I used to let the mess build up until I couldn't stand it anymore. It could get really quite disghusting. And then I would vigorously clean, loud music playing and lots of dancing and singing until it was all done. It was extremely satisfying because when it was done it was finished! Yay!

I became a stay at home Mom and evolved into a house-cleaning fanatic/perfectionist. It wasn't so practical but I put my heart and soul into my homemaking. I would block my housework into days and do it when Jesse slept because otherwise I was entertaining him, and not quit until it was finished. My house was almost always clean and nary a foot would enter my home unless it practically sparkled. It was still satisfying just more constant and bereft of awesome loud music. After my second child, my house was no longer always clean, but I still wouldn't let anyone in without embarrassment unless it was. I also felt frustrated that I couldn't get it clean and it wasn't as satisfying...more "exhausting". And finally after my third child I evolved again to what I am now. I work hard at keeping my house tidy and organized but it is rarely clean. I clean the kitchen after every meal, tidy up a bit and sweep every day, do laundry twice a week (always); clean the bathrooms and wash the sheets weekly (most of the time), vacuum and wash the floors every couple of weeks (sometimes). My house is still generally a mess and I don't care and I especially don't care who sees it. I haven't washed the baseboards in years. Dusting? Who dusts??? Most of the time it's not very satisfying because cleaning is always something I do while I'm doing something else, such as helping with homework or making a snack or holding a child, and it happens in between stuff like running out the door to pick someone up or remembering to make a phone call. Maybe it would be more fun if I could still pump the music and dance away with no distraction. But I stil do it. A lot. It takes up a  huge portion of my day to day life! And then one day someone I admire said to me:

"A clean house is a sign of an empty life."

An empty life. *Sigh* Perhaps, yes. But I love my home to be clean and organized. I love it more than a lot of things. It gives me peace of mind. It makes me feel like everything's under control and my family and I can relax.

If nothing else, I hope I'm creating a home where the lives of my family can be full to the brim.

Next step in the evolution: Empty out those kids' lives a bit and teach them to clean up after themselves because I'm sick of picking up after people all day.

I don't seem to take many pictures these days

 Life is non-stop. One thing after another. Jesse participated in a Mandarin Bridge competition and won a third place medal. He is really talented at Mandarin. Now that I know what is involved I will be much better prepared next year. I was happy it was a good experience for him.

Breanna learned to ride a bike. She figured it out on her first try. I was proud of her!

Afton did her own makeup the other day.

Breanna got glasses. She has a lazy eye in both eyes. I can't stop taking pictures of her! I think she looks so cute in them.

We took these pictures outside the church at Brad's Grandpa's funeral. His death was sudden but he lived a good life and left behind 8 children, 44 grandchildren and 106 great grandchildren. It was a very long funeral procession. Brad's Grandpa was always good to me. He always accepted me, from day one. It's a great feeling to be accepted. He loved my kids too, especially Jesse because he is a Gough boy. And I always admired how he treated his wife. She has dementia and he cared for her until the last day. The funeral helped remind me once again-family is the most important thing. Who's going to be there at my funeral, my husband, kids and grandkids. They're the only ones who are really going to care that I'm gone.

I also got a cold and the stomach flu this past weekend. Sometimes I just want to cry.

Belief

I believe in Jesus Christ. I want to follow Him. I think anyone who knows about Jesus, who learns about Him, could not help but love Him! Whenever I learn about Jesus I want to be like Him. I want to have that strength of character. During his time on earth he was perfect in every way.  Even though I belong to his church in this life I will continue to sin, continue to be my imperfect self; but Jesus is my defender. He suffered specifically for me so I wouldn't be condemned, but can live forever and be happy. I think it's enough for him that I believe in him and try. And I do believe in him. How is it possible that He knows me so well? Yet I feel He is my friend. It's hard for me to describe what is in my heart, but here are a few videos and I think, watching them, it's easy to understand what I mean.









More here:

http://www.lds.org/bible-videos/videos?lang=eng

Daylight Savings

Okay just in case someone out there was worried about me, since daylight savings it's like a light came on that was turned off in January and I feel so much better about life. 

I had the most amazing Spring break. Having the kids home with nowhere to go and nothing to do was like a dream come true. It was only a few days before we were off travelling for Easter but they were a special few days. I had the kids help with the laundry and housework and then they would play and play. The first day we went to the park for hours. The second day we went on a little adventure downtown and the third and fourth day we had playdates with friends. But I have to say my favorite moments are when they just play together happily for hours.

Here they are being plants, growing in the sunlight. I thought it was a brilliant game and I don't think I could like these kids more than I did in this moment, looking over at them.

For some reason whenever my kids paint I feel like I need to take a picture. It is just beautiful, every time!

Here we are on our way downtown. It was a wonderful day of freedom! Afton would look at people on the train until they looked back and then flash them a smile exactly like the one below. We got a lot of attention.

First we met Dad for lunch downtown. 

Then we walked down Stephen Avenue, an adventure in itself, to the Glenbow Museum.

 

The kids' favorite part was the big crystal in the centre of the staircase and the rocks. That used to be one of my favorite parts too.

Putting money in the armour.

The tent of zombies, as my kids call this one.

Heading to Nana and Grandma's house is always exciting. I look forward to my Mom's Easter egg hunts and this year was no exception. I only wish my kids were big enough to appreciate the poems my mom would write leading from one clue to the next!  :)

THE LOOT!!

Nana also gave a wonderful Easter lesson to the kids. I think Lucas is really beginning to understand the concept of the resurrection:

Grandma's house was a blast as always. Afton's first time on the climbing wall!

Jesse can make it all the way to the top by himself.

And of course the hot tub.

Not sure why Jesse always looks like he's in pain in posed pictures but I think it's because it actually does cause him pain to sit still for a period of time. He really does have the most beautiful, amazing smile and one day I'll capture it in a photo! :)

More stuff

Well it's nice to know that I'm not alone. I think connecting with friends is a very good idea. In fact I did it quite a bit last week and I indeed felt a lot better. I truly believe I associate with some of the most amazing women on the planet. I know we are all imperfect but I don't think anyone needs to be perfect to be amazing. I just think the women in my life are good, non-judgemental, and they are doing their best and they are wonderful mothers. Those are rare things in this world. Anyway, because of your responses I'm going to file that advice "connect with friends" in the little filing cabinet in my brain labeled "things to improve on." I fully believe that just having it there there helps :)

I'm not finished my investigation on happiness and I will let you know what I learn. So far I have learned some important things. I may not be applying them yet, but I have learned them!

One important thing I have realized is that the Holy Ghost helps us to feel happiness and peace. I don't know why but I forgot about that for a while. I think as I try to have the spirit in my life, perhaps keeping the commandments a little better, it will lead to happiness because the spirit will be closer.

I think one of my biggest barrier to happiness right now is stress. It makes me grouchy and not nice to my family. Sometimes by Thursday I'm so stressed I can't calm down, no matter how much down time I try to take. One way I've thought to deal with it is to try meditation. I have been using it lately to relax and it really is helping, but I have to delve deeper into it.  I also have some other ideas brewing in my mind that involve packing up my family and friends and moving to a colony to live together and take care of each other better because I'm sorry but our society isn't set up to support stay-at-home mothers. Anyone in?

My investigation is actually taking me in some different directions, such as unconditional love, forgiveness and patience. But you know, one thing at a time.

I'm feeling better and I'm doing better. And moving in that direction makes me excited for things to come! Now onto Afton.

If only cameras could capture personality, because this kid has so much of it.

Imagine, you've just put her to bed and everything is silent. Aaaaaah...Then about half an hour later when you think you're in the clear, she comes out of her room like this:

And the next night, she makes her way downstairs where you are watching TV like this:

Let's just say Brad and I always have a good laugh.

If only she could always stay small enough to fit in the plant pot with no plant!

She joined Breanna at ballet class for parent watch week: