So I'm home from surgery and still a little loopy. I dropped my kids off at my friend Karen's house who offered to watch the kids while I was in surgery. When we got there I was nervous but okay until they said the anesthetist had called in sick.That means I don't get to be put under. Well thanks for pulling that one out of the hat at the last minute. So they gave me these pills called Atavan which I did not want to take and had to force myself to take. They said it would relax me and that I would probably sleep through the surgery or at least be off in lala land. Well, I definitely in no lala land. I was 100% conscious and perfectly aware during the hour long procedure.It's okay though because the worst parts were getting the IV in (it takes them forever, they have to dig and dig but after several attempts it was in, usually I'm experiencing this while in labor so it was no biggie to me), the freezing needles (OOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!) and hearing the sounds of the tools. Like chain saws. Being used on my foot. Anways, the surgery was over but then I sat up to move to the recovery room and bam! The Ativan hit. I was dizzy, lightheaded and tired. So I slept a bit and then they gave me some kind of painkiller which made me throw up on 4 different occasions. Lucky Brad got to see this-I hate that because I get so grossed out watching people throw up! Now I'm home in bed with my foot up, icing, kind of numb. Brad changes my ice packs, gets me snacks and water, made me a healthy dinner of lemon fish and sweet peas and otherwise is pretty busy with the little people. On the plus side, I have 3 days of not being allowed to move except to go to the bathroom. What Mom doesn't dream of a break like that? (minus the fact that I just had reconstructive foot surgery) I have all kinds of plans, ways to take advantage of this time, but so far I've just lay here feeling dizzy. I expect to be able to start doing more tomorrow. I want to:
Work on Brad's Mission Scrapbook
Finish the Book of Mormon
Read 'Remains of the Day'
Write a little story
After I feel a bit better I'm determined to do some upper body and core exercises!
1/30/12
1/28/12
More Reasons, and Afton helps
I think Afton must have read my last post. Maybe she felt bad, because she's sure been helping out around here lately.
She did this for a long time
She even did under the couch
Vacuuming
Sort of starting to eat like a civilized human being
Helping to sort the laundry
(Actually, she kept picking up clothes and handing them to me. Now, I am telling the truth: Every time she handed me a piece of clothing she would clearly say- "here you go!" I was like "WOE! You talk!")
I was also very shocked when I looked in her mouth the other day and she had grown TWO of her molars! No wonder she was grouchy and demanding for so long! This poor little baby is teething and in pain!
I'm still learning to snowboard but I'm really almost there, I just have to learn to go faster. My best friend Sheila is to the right of me and she's really good. I hope to be at her level soon. Plus I love being with her because I laugh and laugh and feel young again! But I'm getting surgery on my foot on Monday so I won't be able to snowboard for the rest of the season. I can't wait until next year. We'll probably get season's passes and go all the time as a family. Brad's taken Jesse a couple of times and he's picking it up and loves it. I do think this will be a fun winter activity for us to do as a family someday, and that's why I want to learn so much. I love being active. Because I'm getting surgery on my foot on Monday I've been working out EVERY day. I've been running, doing my Lindsay Brin workouts (momsintofitness.com LOVE her), going to hot yoga, snowboarding and of course running around taking care of my family. We'll see if I'm not in a mental institution by the time I get my cast off in 8 weeks. I'm going to focus on nutrition (my biggest challenge, especially lately because I have SAD and it makes me want to stuff my face with whatever is the worst for me) and just working whatever muscles I can that will NOT interfere with my healing (which isn't much).
As for the other reasons I'm stressed out I've come up with 2 more:
1. I'm a perfectionist AND competitive. I know I should just let the house be messy but I just can't do it. I mean, not that my house is always spotless at ALL but I am cleaning all the time. I also have to feed my family healthy meals and that requires planning. I know these are good things but I do think there is a strength in just being able to let things go and do things in moderation. I'm working on that skill, but it will take a long time I think. Here's the thing, deep down I am a free spirit and really fun and spontaneous. BUT I feel like if I let go and be that person as a Mom, everything would fall apart. No, I KNOW everything would fall apart. My kids think I'm very un-fun and I'm okay with that for now because I know they are getting their homework done and bathing and getting fed and getting to school okay looking decent. I'm competitive too. This is a BAD combo because it means I am always looking at other people going "how come THEY can do it and I can't??" Also, I get my panties all tied in a knot if other kids can do things my kids can't. I stress over everything about my kids, mostly Jesse. I know it's bad, but again, I'm just learning.
2. I'm trying to do it all myself. When will I learn that Heavenly Father has so much more power than me, that he is in control and that I need to rely on Him? It was so cool, I had an answer to prayer recently because I realized that I just don't have the energy to bring a meal/watch other people's kids every time there is a need. It's hard for me because I feel like I need to be serving, but if I'm stressed out over it, I know it's not a good thing. Well, I was reading my scriptures and felt really strongly that there IS something I can do, something more helpful than a meal. I can pray!! I know it sounds simple, but this was a huge revelation to me!!! So Brad's been really struggling at work for a while and that morning I prayed for a few people in my life. I also prayed that something would click at work and that Brad would be able to figure out the stuff he was working on. So he came home from work and at the dinner table I asked him, how was work today? Did you figure it out? And do you know what he said? He said, YES! I had an epiphany and everything clicked and I got it all done. I was like, WOE! So thank-you Heavenly Father.
I've been putting a lot of time and energy into thinking lately. I know I'm in one of those phases of life where I'm learning, stretching and growing. I'm learning to THINK positively, to rely on Heavenly Father, and I'm learning some more of my weaknesses that Heavenly Father is helping me out with, but I haven't really made any progress on yet. This has been a good weekend and I will talk more about my surgery later.
My special little boy, first time snowboarding!
1/19/12
Reasons
I've been musing on the fact that I'm stressed out and have come to the conclusion that it's related to 3 things. I am going to have to dedicate three different posts to these three things, but I will start with the most obvious and adorable:
My incredibly strong-willed, demanding, busy-busy-busy, curious and really smart little thirteen month old girl. I know I was busy and active when I was little according to reports from my Mom, but I don't know if it's possible to be as much work as this little one! Here's a small sampling of what a typical morning might look like:
6 am or so: (unpredictable): Wake up happy, get diaper changed while clinging for dear life to my teddy bear, also twisting and squirming, trying to stand up and look out the window in the hopes that I might see a squirrel (yes I know it's dark out this early- she still tries). How I love those squirrels and I get so wide-eyed when I see one, making my universal "animal" sound, a series of loud yelps, that my Mom assumes comes from the sound of a barking dog?
6:15 am or so: Refuse to let my Mom put me down. If she's not on the ball and awake already and decides she needs a minute I jump on her and hit her while she lies in bed trying to collect herself, also scare her by standing as close to the edge of the bed as possible and looking at her with an adorable smile and raised eyebrows so as not to allow her to relax.
6:30am or so: Mom puts me in my chair. Mom gives me food right away to avoid my screams and yells. Usually I get a banana and eat that while Mom makes me toast. After eating most of the banana really fast (usually before the toast is done) amuse myself by squishing, smearing, and spreading the remaining banana as high and as wide as I can. Take the toast. My Mom gives me the whole piece in hopes that it will entertain me longer as she tries to prepare breakfast for herself and the other children. Take pieces of toast and throw them (no wimpy throws here, note, these have power behind them) on the floor, followed by the cutest little "uh-ooooh" imaginable, making a lovely "o" with my mouth. This ensures my Mom still loves me.
6:45am or so: I usually finish breakfast right before Mom wants to sit down and eat. So, she washes all the banana off my face and hands, puts me down and at this point I sprint, literally sprint to the little kid table where my brother and sister are eating their breakfast. Try to make as big of a mess of their oatmeal/cheerios as possible before they move it away from me. When they do and refuse to let me make a mess of it, I cry. Then they give me little bits of it on the table. I spread it around, and eat some.
7am or so: While Mom cleans up breakfast, I work hard to undo as much of her work as possible. This is crucial. If I am not undoing my Mom's cleaning efforts, I am BORED. And you know what happens when I get bored. I whine. I make my Mom hold or entertain me. Serious setback in the cleaning efforts.
7:05am or so: My Mom works out. At this point I'm wonderful. She works out in the basement where there are toys and a brother and sister doing all kinds of interesting things. I'm wonderful for about half of her workout, at which point I start to get in her way in as many ways as possible: sitting on, climbing underneath, grabbing for weights, etc. If she happens to kick or trip on me, then she has to pick me up because I'm already tired and this makes me cry, thus ending the workout portion of the morning, to be resumed when I go for a nap (if I go for a nap...)
7:30am or so: My Mom gets me water in a sippy cup. Awesome. Drink half, spill half. Minutes of entertainment while she starts getting my brother ready for school.
7:45am or so: This is where I am being ignored and get to perform my favourite repertoire of activities. These I perform throughout the day when I know my Mom has other things to do and I am upstairs with her. They include:
- tearing pages out of books
- playing in the toilet full of pee, also unravelling the toilet paper and putting it in the toilet, then sucking on it
- pulling clothes out of drawers
- pulling toys out of the bathtub bucket
- destroying Jesse's lego creations
- also going back to see if Breanna has left her breakfast bowl (she never clears it) and dumping out and smearing the remaining contents all over the floor.
Get the picture??
I know all Moms do it and if you do it without being stressed out, I COMMEND YOU!!! But I for one am stressed out over it and as far as that goes, I love it!!! I am excited to see what this little firecracker does with all her energy and passion.
It's going to be good.
My incredibly strong-willed, demanding, busy-busy-busy, curious and really smart little thirteen month old girl. I know I was busy and active when I was little according to reports from my Mom, but I don't know if it's possible to be as much work as this little one! Here's a small sampling of what a typical morning might look like:
6 am or so: (unpredictable): Wake up happy, get diaper changed while clinging for dear life to my teddy bear, also twisting and squirming, trying to stand up and look out the window in the hopes that I might see a squirrel (yes I know it's dark out this early- she still tries). How I love those squirrels and I get so wide-eyed when I see one, making my universal "animal" sound, a series of loud yelps, that my Mom assumes comes from the sound of a barking dog?
6:15 am or so: Refuse to let my Mom put me down. If she's not on the ball and awake already and decides she needs a minute I jump on her and hit her while she lies in bed trying to collect herself, also scare her by standing as close to the edge of the bed as possible and looking at her with an adorable smile and raised eyebrows so as not to allow her to relax.
6:30am or so: Mom puts me in my chair. Mom gives me food right away to avoid my screams and yells. Usually I get a banana and eat that while Mom makes me toast. After eating most of the banana really fast (usually before the toast is done) amuse myself by squishing, smearing, and spreading the remaining banana as high and as wide as I can. Take the toast. My Mom gives me the whole piece in hopes that it will entertain me longer as she tries to prepare breakfast for herself and the other children. Take pieces of toast and throw them (no wimpy throws here, note, these have power behind them) on the floor, followed by the cutest little "uh-ooooh" imaginable, making a lovely "o" with my mouth. This ensures my Mom still loves me.
6:45am or so: I usually finish breakfast right before Mom wants to sit down and eat. So, she washes all the banana off my face and hands, puts me down and at this point I sprint, literally sprint to the little kid table where my brother and sister are eating their breakfast. Try to make as big of a mess of their oatmeal/cheerios as possible before they move it away from me. When they do and refuse to let me make a mess of it, I cry. Then they give me little bits of it on the table. I spread it around, and eat some.
7am or so: While Mom cleans up breakfast, I work hard to undo as much of her work as possible. This is crucial. If I am not undoing my Mom's cleaning efforts, I am BORED. And you know what happens when I get bored. I whine. I make my Mom hold or entertain me. Serious setback in the cleaning efforts.
7:05am or so: My Mom works out. At this point I'm wonderful. She works out in the basement where there are toys and a brother and sister doing all kinds of interesting things. I'm wonderful for about half of her workout, at which point I start to get in her way in as many ways as possible: sitting on, climbing underneath, grabbing for weights, etc. If she happens to kick or trip on me, then she has to pick me up because I'm already tired and this makes me cry, thus ending the workout portion of the morning, to be resumed when I go for a nap (if I go for a nap...)
7:30am or so: My Mom gets me water in a sippy cup. Awesome. Drink half, spill half. Minutes of entertainment while she starts getting my brother ready for school.
7:45am or so: This is where I am being ignored and get to perform my favourite repertoire of activities. These I perform throughout the day when I know my Mom has other things to do and I am upstairs with her. They include:
- tearing pages out of books
- playing in the toilet full of pee, also unravelling the toilet paper and putting it in the toilet, then sucking on it
- pulling clothes out of drawers
- pulling toys out of the bathtub bucket
- destroying Jesse's lego creations
- also going back to see if Breanna has left her breakfast bowl (she never clears it) and dumping out and smearing the remaining contents all over the floor.
Get the picture??
I know all Moms do it and if you do it without being stressed out, I COMMEND YOU!!! But I for one am stressed out over it and as far as that goes, I love it!!! I am excited to see what this little firecracker does with all her energy and passion.
It's going to be good.
 |
| I love how she's looking at me in this picture. We love each other. |
 |
| I want to be big and love trying on big stuff, especially big shoes and dresses and stuff my Mom needs to help me with. Then I'll often dance and spin in circles. She loves this. |
1/6/12
Cookies
To convince the kids that grocery shopping is a good idea I tempt them with the free cookie. Yesterday I was grocery shopping and the kids were going nuts:
"Can we get a cookie now?"
"Mom NOW can we get a cookie?"
"Is it cookie time Mom?"
Repeat. Times 50.
I told them a couple of times: "stop asking or we're not going to get a cookie."
Representative of how my threats like this usually go, my kids continued to ask. Then something inside me snapped. I didn't get mad and threaten more (like I usually do)...I just said 'nope we're not getting a cookie." Now, usually when I say this it's nothing but another empty threat. So not really worried, my kids continued their cajoling-'one more chance? Please?' of course cause i'm so awesome I usually give in...okay one more chance but next time....
But we were getting further and further from the bakery, and my resolve grew stronger with every step, thinking of how masterful my kids are at ignoring my requests, and how defiant they seem to have become overnight, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever done to convince myself that I was doing the right thing and not being heartless, but I did NOT give in!!! Even at the checkout when they were begging for a chocolate bar (and I could have justifies that because it's not a cookie) I did NOT give in to the whines and the wales and the stomping of feet!
It's a new victory for me, and one I hope I feel more empowered to continue. Imagine actually following through with a consequence. I have such delightful and wonderful kids, and I'm sick of getting mad at them these days and maybe the parenting experts are right anyway.
Then we got home and I made them heart shaped sugar cookies with blue icing and sprinkles, just so they know I still love 'em.
Does that defeat the purpose? :) Brad and I are on our way to the mountains today for a day of snowboarding. Thanks to my wonderful brother Derek and sister in law Katie!! Yay!! - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Does that defeat the purpose? :) Brad and I are on our way to the mountains today for a day of snowboarding. Thanks to my wonderful brother Derek and sister in law Katie!! Yay!! - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
1/2/12
Oh Twelve
My New Year's Resolution is to stop being stressed out. I want more time playing and learning with my kids and more time to read and not be tired. So I don't want to live up to what I think are other people's expectations of me and spend my time on the things that matter to me deep down.
Last night we got home from 2 weeks of so much FUN! First Florida, then a week in Taber with family. I woke up this morning feeling relaxed and thinking 'Wow. I have a whole day, with Brad home, and nothing to do.' By 7:30 I had eaten breakfast and finished my workout and sat down to play cards with everyone. Then it all started happening:
Laundry
Dishes
Lunch for 4
Organizing hand-me-downs
Unpacking
Taking down Christmas
Grocery List
Grocery Shopping
Library books are overdue
Dirty bathrooms
Shower
Bath Kids
Make supper
Clean the kitchen
More Laundry
Kids are fighting
Change Afton....
It goes on. I am going to work REALLY hard to not care what I think other people think I should be, because I'm so convinced I'm really not very good at it anyway. It's going to be great :)
Last night we got home from 2 weeks of so much FUN! First Florida, then a week in Taber with family. I woke up this morning feeling relaxed and thinking 'Wow. I have a whole day, with Brad home, and nothing to do.' By 7:30 I had eaten breakfast and finished my workout and sat down to play cards with everyone. Then it all started happening:
Laundry
Dishes
Lunch for 4
Organizing hand-me-downs
Unpacking
Taking down Christmas
Grocery List
Grocery Shopping
Library books are overdue
Dirty bathrooms
Shower
Bath Kids
Make supper
Clean the kitchen
More Laundry
Kids are fighting
Change Afton....
It goes on. I am going to work REALLY hard to not care what I think other people think I should be, because I'm so convinced I'm really not very good at it anyway. It's going to be great :)
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