Powerful

I want to write this before I forget. The other night I was walking home from piano lessons. I usually rush home because my mind plays tricks on me and I think someone is following me or will jump out from behind the bushes and attack. Yes, really :)

Well, this time I reasoned with myself and decided to enjoy the walk and the time alone.I looked at the moon to connect with God and nature and then it hit me.

I am powerful. 

Those words came to my mind quite strongly and at first I didn't like it because of course, everything I have comes from God. I wondered if I was going a little manic. Things have been pretty crazy lately...but then I thought about it, and I wasn't crazy. It's true.

I helped God create life. I gave birth to these beautiful people. Three very important people depend on me. To love them, help them grow healthy and strong, teach them the gospel, teach them about the world, and provide a clean and happy home for them. Afton depends completely on my body to grow and live. I'm also able to support my husband so he can be continue his education successful and happy. On top of this, I am building a life for myself, continuing to develop my own talents and love life. Even if I didn't have a family, I could help and lift others. This makes me feel quite worthwhile. I feel like I'm doing a good job.

I think powerful is a good word. It replaces the sense of worthlessness often felt by survivors of abuse, as I am. Only recently do I understand things like it's not your fault and I am a child of God.

I bet you are powerful too.

Just so you really don't think I'm nuts, thoughts on gratitude (it's a rough copy I wrote late at night after losing the talk I had worked on all day, so yes I did say King Benjamin and not Mosiah...haha!)