I know my problems aren't that bad, I have a wonderful life and I'm very thankful for everything I have. But I think the last while has just been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I bounce back pretty quick usually but I'm just not bouncing this time. I've sort of landed with a thud.
I'm really tired, (hormones and all), and I think that has a lot to do with it. When I was at the doctor she reminded me that I had been there in June for an upper respiratory infection. I had totally forgotten. So that means, just physically in the last 5 months I have had an upper respiratory infection, after which I got pregnant and had awful morning sickness for a month, after which I had a miscarriage and surgery, and just as I was getting on my feet a few weeks later I got the Flu, after which I got pregnant and tired, which brings us to now where I am currently having another miscarriage. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, really, I'm just giving myself permission to be tired.
When I had the flu a couple of people tried to tell me it was just a cold. The day I found out the pregnancy wasn't viable someone tried to tell me I probably wasn't ever pregnant and had just had a false positive. It really bothers me and I can't seem to shake it. Being upset just makes me feel more tired.
But I can't just lay around and feel better. I have two kids to take care of, a doctor's follow-up to go to, library books to return, a preschool to volunteer at this afternoon, a shower to have, a house to clean, and errands to do. And I am going to Edmonton to stay with friends tomorrow so these things really can't wait. At least I worked really hard preparing for morning sickness so I have about 3 weeks' worth of yummy frozen dinners in my deep freeze! And at least I have a husband who cuddles me lots! And a Mom who listens and loves me!
And at least I know there's a bright light at the end of this really small tunnel.
Wow. Talk about stressful, both emotionally and physically. I found that sometimes the people who care for you the most are the very ones that want to make you feel better by telling you that you aren't really feeling that way, or that you have no good reason to feel that way. Thank goodness for a loving God who is always there to listen and love us.
ReplyDeleteYou are allowed to feel sorry for yourself. I remember talking to my doctor when I had postpartum depression & I was telling him that I had NO reason to be sad, and he helped me to see that maybe my circumstances were a bit demanding & crazy at the time- and more importantly I learned that I don't need a reason at all.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it is best emotionally to allow yourself 30 minutes to wallow before getting on with your day.
I hope this next year finds you with so much health & happiness you can barely believe it!
Sarah, just wanted you to know I think you are an amazing woman! I know I couldn't get through all the stuff you've gotten through, and still look like you've got everything under controll. And I love your kids! Breanna sure knows frosty the snowman well - better than me actually, I was trying to learn the words from her. She's adorable.
ReplyDelete