I finally finished this book. A page here, a page there, and it takes a while.
Mr. Dawson of Cayley Junior High science/math fame-if only you would have put it that way maybe it wouldn't have said this on every report card:
"Sarah needs to apply herself ... grade does not reflect ability."
I do still love you, Mr. Dawson, after all these years!
Very interesting read and highly recommended, although I skipped the last chapter on evolution. It bores me, not because I don't love the theory of evolution. The author just kept talking like "aw, shucks for the religious types. Sorry to see you are wrong." I believe God created the earth. That doesn't mean he waved a magic wand. I love the fact that thought, and time, and faith, and learning went into the creation of this magnificent Universe. The end.
When the sun went down on Christmas Eve we were tobogganing, stuffed full of cheese and fondu, poppycock and peanut brittle, with played-out, whiney kids. My sister Rachel is the best entertainer and creates so much fun in her home. I loved singing some of the Christmas carols I had forgotten to sing- like "Up on the Rooftop" and "O Holy Night". I loved the moment Brad walked through the front door of my sister's house, knowing he was all ours for the holidays. I loved making a snow angel on the icy lake at the bottom of the hill and then freezing my toes off at the Nativity. The spirit of Christmas is never stronger for me than at the Heritage Park Nativity.
And I loved the moment my kids were all snug in their beds.
Brad and I started watching the magical "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" but only got through half of it because we couldn't wait to get things ready for the next morning.
We ate the cookies Jesse left for Santa, stuffed the stockings and arranged all the presents under the tree.
At 6 am Christmas morning Jesse woke up. We could hear his little footsteps, first walk slowly past the living room -pause- walk into the living room -pause- SPRINT into our room: "Dad, you have to come see this!" They went in and I could hear Jesse laugh when he saw the Ninja Turtles sticking out of his stocking and say "Awesome!" Santa really came through.
When we told Jesse he had to wait until Breanna woke up to open presents, he walked into her room, turned on the light and a few seconds later said, "she's awake!" Breanna was a little fuzzy but put on her usual morning smile.
Brad got a Playstation 3. I worked so hard to keep it a secret. I got the purple purse I've been dreaming of for over a month that I would never have bought for myself. My other favorite gift was box containing "a relaxing evening"-frozen lasagne, homemade buns and cauliflower soup, comfy pajamas, toys to entertain the kids, "The Universe" DVD box set and a soft, warm blanket. I love my Mom. I also loved the present my sister made for me, a wooden game of Memory using pictures of my family.
The kids played with their presents while Brad and I made breakfast. At one point Jesse ran in the room with his Iron Man and the "bad Iron Man", (aka Obadiah):
"Mom, Dad, the bad iron man repented, so now they are friends."
Soon after we were in the van, the kids asleep in the back, the sun reflecting off the snow and a blue sky overhead. A book in my hand, my best friend by my side and more than a week to chill and we are all happy. I feel so blessed.
Breanna has choked down so much candy and junk food her little body just might burst. I have eaten so much turkey and ham and gravy my buttons might burst. The kids have had so little sleep and so much fun playing with their cousins and Grandmas and Grandpas and Nana and Aunts and Uncles their hearts might burst.
I'm stressed out. I've got zits all over my face.
I'm strung out. From all the sugar I've been eating. That stuff is poison to me, but no, I will not ever give it up.
But in between all the stress I've had some wonderful, I-can't-believe-this-is-my-life moments.
And it always reminds me of this song...
I was excited for our ward Christmas party for no other reason than that I got to wear a dress and get ready for something.
I scored the best guy. He danced with me all night just because I love it and I kept looking at him thinking to myself, woe, he's so hot.
He also does things like get my dessert for me and warm up the car. We had a crush on each other all night. Who cares that we were drinking out of plastic glasses in a church gym.
My makeup-artist sister Candace come over to do my makeup. You can't tell from the picture, but it looked awesome. My eyes were as blue and sparkly as my nail-polish. Breanna is quite free with her compliments:
"Pretty dress, Mommy!"
"I like your hair daddy!"
"Handsome boy, Jesse!"
I picked her up before I left to wash off her face. She fixed her eyes on mine and said, "Mommy, you look........scary!" Ha ha! Good to know she likes the hair-in-a-ponytail, barely-any-makeup, sweat-pants look I sport most of the time.
bright white snow in my life a few months of the year.
Piles and piles of it.
Breanna refused to jump.
So I picked her up, threw her in the air and plopped her down in it myself. She was very pleased with this so I did it again.
It makes THE most comfortable chair to sit in. I think Jesse spends most of his time out there just sitting in what he claims are his "castles". Breanna discovered the fun of dumping snow on stationary people who can't move easily.
Hi Mom! It's me again!! I feel much better. Perhaps your first advice should be, if it's 1:30 in the morning, and you are sad, it could just be because it's 1:30 in the morning. I woke up this morning in my warm bed to the smell of oatmeal and "Let it Snow" running through my head and Jesse running in to give me a hug and sparkly blue nail-polish on my fingers. Then I played Christmas hymns on the piano for a while. All better! Also, Jesse has pink eye so he can't go to school which means we can stay at home in our pajamas ALL day (again). So go back to your writing and your Relief-Societying and your students and all the other people pulling you in a million directions knowing you have one less kid adult to worry about!
I know you are really busy right now with students and writing and being a Mom and a Relief Society president and all that and can't answer your phone so I'm talking to you on here since I know you will read this. Yes I am 32 years old and I still need to talk to my Mom about everything. Which is part of the reason I need to talk to you. Let me start with the good stuff.
So, Mom, I feel really grateful. I love the sound of my kids giggling and how they run around together and are happy. I love that our whole family danced to Christmas music by our newly decorated Christmas tree today after supper. I love that Jesse is the nicest kid. Even to kids who aren't necessarily nice to him, he's very diplomatic and compromising. Be honest...did I teach him that?
I love that Breanna is I think one of the happiest girls alive. I love that she is also very diplomatic and compromising. Especially with me and Jesse, she'll say to us through her tears: "Okay!"
I love that many of my dreams have come true, and in the most truest way.
I'm also sad (see above picture).
I'm sad I can't solve my own problems and I'm 32 years old.
I'm scared of not developing talents I know I have, I'm scared of not living up to my potential because I'm too tired or scared.
I'm sad that I can't trust my feelings because I tend to rush towards being offended and angry instead of having charity. I'm scared I will never have charity.
I'm sad because it's 1:30am and I'm still awake and I really wanted to go for a run tomorrow but now I'll be too tired.
Also I think Jesse has pink-eye.
You're the best Mom and teacher in the world. I wish I could brighten your days instead of calling you with all my problems.
